Commuter Impersonator

This morning I was ready to jump out of bed and rush to whatever school needed me.

As a home worker, my routine usually runs to sitting in bed drinking coffee until 9, (don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same!). But not this morning, oh no. this morning I would be the dynamic, assertive go-getting supply teacher that you don’t see in the movies [note to self: could be a new project in that?]

Sadly, the call did not come. Never mind. I was dressed, watered and ready to go. Thing was, the only place I had to go to was my spare room/office.

This was not good enough! Where was the dynamism? Where was the cold air on my face? Where was the struggle of humanity between the opposing forces of financial security on the one hand and the primeveal drive to stay in bed on a flippin cold morning like this?!?

Where was my commute?!?

My course of action was clear – I was going to have that commute whether it got me anywhere or not!

Togged up, I set off amongst the other commuters, winding their way towards the station. What bliss! What solidarity! We were here, we were cold, and we wished we were in bed! Again I felt as part of a group, part of the industrial work ethic, part of trekking through the bleeding frost to get to somewhere you’d rather not be!

But my enjoyment was short lived. After a street or two, I realised that, yes, actually, it is quite cold and that no, really, I did not have any idea what I was doing or where I was going.

My house lies equidistant between two train stations. I considered walking to one and catching the train to the other. This may legitimise my pointless wanderings, or so I thought.

Then the whole pathos of the thing struck me. What was i doing?!I was mocking these people, turning their daily run to the office into some sort of sadistic little smug-fest of my own.

Pausing at the corner, I turned to make my way home. I imagined my follow commuters glancing at me, jeering. “Home-worker” they would say. But it would be true.

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Thought for the Day – the Sun

So, if the sun is the source of all heat for our planet, why does it get colder the further away from the earth’s surface you get?

Why is the vacuum of space -273 degrees C? Surely, with no atmospheric protection from the rays of the sun, one should receive the full heat straight away?

Indeed, should there not be a point where one can float, nearer the sun than we are, where space is actually quite hot?

This massive ball of gas, our sun, cannot just ‘end’ at a definite point, surely? It is, we are given to understand, a flaming ball of gas – surely it’s not a million degrees at one point and then, where ‘space’ starts, it’s -273?

I propose that there is a distance from the sun that one can stand, that is actually a comfortable room temperature. Beyond this point it gets progressively hotter, much like a terrestrial ‘barbeque’. Indeed, from this point in space, one could potentially offer a suasage on a stick in the direction of the sun, and in no time at all it would become a tasty, well-cooked snack. (space-chefs should note that, depending on the length of the stick, it may also become a, so familiar to the terrestrial bbq, ‘sausage-shaped lump of carbon’).

So confident am I of this prediction that I propose to send a dog into space on the next NASA mission, equiped with marshmallows, (to keep it simple for the dog), and a series of sticks of varying lengths.

Anyone who wishes to contribute towards the funding of this project, and hence share in the undoubtedly ‘astronomical’ rewards can visit our companion site, wiseacre.com

Cheers,

Philip

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Boy Who Looked Out Of The Window

A bit different this one, but it reflects where I’m at.

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Population Explosion

The reasons for the population explosion of the 19th and 20th centuries became clear shortly after society crumbled, sometime in the 21st century.

It was at about this time, sadly just too late for many, that a power source both clean and immeasurable was discovered. Such was the depth and beauty of this source that engines for harnessing its power could be built with the simplest tools by anyone half conversant in the new technology.

The ready availability and exceptionally low cost of this power source had an equalising affect on the population of the Earth at that time. All material goods, personal gain and one-upmanship became something of a misnomer, once any person could produce as much of any item as they desired. There suddenly seemed to be no point to it all.

And, by and by, this lead to the invention of the time machine. It behoved people to return just a short time in the long history of this planet, (you could only stay on this planet; travel to other solar systems or even other planets was clearly a complete waste of time, due to the ridiculous distances involved), to the period perceived as the ‘boom-time’ in the long story of the Earth – the industrial and technological revolutions of the 19th and 20th centuries.

It must have been a great time to be in, went the reasoning, as there were so many people around at the time…

As you may be able to tell by now, what actually happened is that almost half the people on the planet at that time were in fact not from that time, but from a short time in the future.

The situation was such that you had people leveraging their knowledge and savvy to become the oligarchs of that famed period in hostory, whilst certain ‘thrill-seekers’ spent time in the most overcrowded and inhospitable areas of the world – living life on the very edge of survival.

It got to such a point that these people, somewhat foolishly, did not keep track of the date. Hence, society duly crumbled, due to obvious reasons, and the majority died with the rest of humanity.

Those that were left after that horrendous time had a different perspective on it all, and promptly invented the new power source – and so it went on.

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Calendar Series #8 of 8

I finally cave on day 8 of the Calendar series! Check #1 to see what I was trying to do 🙂

Merry Christmas one and all xx

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Calendar Series #7

Seventh in the series – going strong! Check out #1 to see what this is about.

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Calendar Series #6

Sixth in the Series. check out #1 to see what this is about.

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