This is it

This is it.

i’ve had enough.

I’ve tried. I’ve tried freaking everything.

Now i’m just going to have to DO.

Let me explain…

I was dissatisfied with my life. Something wasn’t right, but i didn;t know what.

I thought about it a lot. I read self-help books. I attended workshops and seminars. I did all the exercises they suggested. I contacted my ‘spirit partners’. I labelled everything in my house. I wrote down my core values.

Everything.

But I still did not know what it was that i wanted. I was still dissatisfied.

I made changes.

I quit my job and became self employed. I thought I wanted to be an inventor – i could always go back to teaching if it didn;t work out.

I do want to be n inventor, but that’s not all i want to be.

I am still dissatisfied.

I wanted to find out what my values are. What motivates me? No point in doing anything unless you know why you’re doing it, right?

Fair enough. But i don’t know. I just don’t know.

Something tells me that i may never know.

this is cary and not a little unnerving. but what other honest answer is there?

So I don’t know what my values are, why i do the things i do. But there, right there, is the key!

What i Do want, what i DO want to do, is to find out what it is that i want to do.

this kind of thinking hurts my head, but lets work with it.

under this question (what do i want to do?), i am suddenly released from constrictive labelling and marketting-speak pitches about who i am or whatever.

Suddenly, in a way, i am free.

I am free to do what I want to do, without worrying about why i am doing it. I can do things that i am drawn to, that interst me ( i have a short little span of attention, or so it feels).

Payment will come later, i’m sure, (do not tell my bank manager this – it does not make for a good business plan).

So, okay Philip, you can do what you want to do. Congratu-fucking-lations.

What are you going to do?

I’m so glad you asked!

(you didn’t; that was a literary device that probably has some name, of which i am unaware, but bear with me)

That, my friend, is for the next post!

I tend to waffle when confronted with an endless piece of digital paper, so i’m forcing myself into breaking this up into a two-parter.

See you on the next post (that’s the one above, if you’re reading this on a big long page)

Cheers,

Philip

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4 Comments

Filed under diary, Ideas, thought

4 responses to “This is it

  1. Chris

    Great entry!

    I hear you, brother.

    At various times, I’ve re-aligned my charkas, removed blocks, learnt to heal with my hands, done past and present life regressions, received channeled messages from 5th dimensional teachers, sat in silence for ten days, had NLP sessions, created my vision board, read the daily inspiration, spent thousands on personal development courses. Am I any closer to finding out “my purpose”? The answer is no. But I have learnt a lot about myself in the process.

    What I do know is that my perspective is unique, and while external influences may be attractive or inspiring, the truth lies somewhere inside me. Nobody else can show me the way. So I’ve got to listen, try things, find what works and what doesn’t, and organise my life as best as I can.

    It is better to do something, than to gaze at ones navel. Dream big. If it doesn’t excite you, dream bigger.

  2. Chris

    You’re an amazing dude by the way 🙂

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